Year of the Tiger
Tiger the Kitten - 2005
2010 is the Year of the Tiger, so I thought I'd pay homage to Tiger the tortoiseshell, now the senior Moosey cat. Tiger, whose legs are too short and body too fat, and who is consequently on a 'Shape Up For Life' programme of exercise and diet. Lucky cat!
Naughty Tiger!
I have just found Tiger the cat right inside a huge dog biscuit bag in the pantry, and booted her out. Naughty cat! And a strange cat - she doesn't sulk and run when I've told her off.
A sharp, school-teacher-like 'Tiger!' and she knows she's in a naughty place (being caught inside the dog biscuit bag is pretty much caught 'in flagrante delicto' for a cat). A craftier feline would just hunker down and hide under the Tux triangles. Oops! Out she pops, shakes the biscuit crumbs off her beautiful fur, and waddles over to her chair.
Tiger the Slim - 2008
Tiger Purrs
Lay one featherweight finger on Tiger and she'll purr. Say her name (nicely) and she'll miaow and purr. Pick her up and she'll purr. I use a two armed clinch, and, immobilised by a firm paw grab, she gets the Tiger treatment - rocked from side to side like a teething baby, with a chant plagiarised from that well known Australian crowd pleaser. It goes like this:
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger,
Oye! Oye! Oye!
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger,
Oye! Oye! Oye!
Tiger! Oye!
Tiger! Oye!
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger,
Oye! Oye! Oye!
Tiger's ears may go a bit flat, but she doesn't struggle out of my arms. I think she likes it!
Socially Tiger is a very foolish cat. She loves company in the house, but rarely comes outside gardening. Think of all that quality time with the Head Gardener you're missing, Tiger!
A Bully Cat
She has a double personality - a benign bully, with a soft underbelly (a rather large, dropping underbelly, actually). Tiger spends hours hiding underneath tables and chairs, even lurking in the laundry basket under the clothes, then leaping out and going 'Boo!' at the other cats.
Tiger the Cat
The only cat who reacts is young Minimus. Others merely hold their ground and look puzzled, and Tiger, pretending indifference, waddles off nonchalantly on her short legs to wash some of her furry bits. Minimus - if only you could treat her with the same disdain, then you wouldn't be chased halfway up the stairs. When this happens I project my stern 'Tiger!' telling-off voice and back comes Tiger through the door, looking oh so innocent. Me? What did I do?
This Cat is Too Fat
Tiger - do you feel left out of things, unappreciated, in this multiple cat household? Are you naughty just to get my attention? I ponder these questions as I do the grab-and-rock 'Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Oye! Oye! Oye!' song one more time. She loves it, honestly! Listen - she's purring...
Shape Up For Life, Tiger!
Tiger's personal 'Shape Up For Life' campaign is easy to describe (cats don't need rewards for not going into donut shops). She simply is presented with less food and has more compulsory exercise. Her new look is rather unfortunate - she's lost weight, but kept the same amount of skin.
Oh dear - now her white furry cat-boobs and belly flop down nearly to the ground. Obviously full-frontal photographs can possibly be a bit embarrassing.
Well, Tiger, 2010 is your year. So be a smart feline and make the most of it - and do try to set a good example to the youngsters. The senior cat should be the role model. You might start by staying out of the pantry!